Hell's Gates

... Remember to rub your feet on the doormat. I say this because the citizens of the region of Hell (hellions?) are generally quite good at keeping to the rules and are quick to report spammers despite presumably being the alleged hordes of Hades.

Sometimes NationStates can throw up a lot of funny stuff like this though people seldom sit back and appreciate it. For instance, people keep calling their region 'Penis Land', which is obscene and must thus be renamed. Renaming regions can be quite amusing sometimes (and I am NOT encouraging anyone to go out there and create offensively-named regions. I've got little enough time as it is.), and I admit I get a small satisfaction of renaming such regions. I always rename Penis Land as Pen Island. Anustopia? The Deep South. Penis and Vagina Land? Reproductive Organs. Itchy Rectum? Surreptitious Scratching. And so it goes on. But another source of amusement I get is from the conflicting values of a region's name and its attitudes.

Take the region of Hell, for example:

Hell's founder is a long-dead nation called Satan. This is actually pretty neat, because it gives the region more credibility. But since Satan is dead, it kind of begs the question 'what is the point of joining?' If the Dark Prince, Beelzebub (which sounds like a Mervyn Peake character to me), Eater of Souls has snuffed it then surely that means that the war between Heaven and Hell is over because God has won? And before you interject, the nation of God is actually out there somewhere!

It's interesting to note that Hell has a substantially larger population than Heaven. This is understandable of course, since Hell has all the best tunes, cooler clothes, and you get to stay up late.

Another interesting thing is that once, a long time ago, in a galaxy right over here, there was a region called The Atheist Alliance. I remember it was quite popular, but it looks like it's long gone now. The funny thing is that Hell and The Atheist Alliance were allied against Heaven. Now, I say, this does seem a tiny bit hypocritical on the atheists' part. Do they not believe in their allies? I know this is true of all nations today, but to not believe that they exist may be a step too far. I can just picture it now.

Demon: Help! Help us, atheists! Our troops are being slaughtered! They've brought out the holy hand grenades and the exorcism tanks! Oh no! They just got General Lucifer with their blessed bazookas!

Atheist: I don't believe you. You are nothing more than a random fluxation in the space-time continuum!

Demon: [splutters] What? We were shaking hands just a moment ago! I had my claws crossed behind my back of course, but that's my job!

Atheist: You're a symbol of an outmoded system of decrepit self-punishment that has no place within the scientific utopia of modern society.

Demon: Well I'll be damned!

Atheist: You already are.

Demon: Good point, but-

[Demon is hit by bolt of lightning]

Atheist: God damn!

God: I already did.

Atheist: Indeed.

Someday it'll all be an audio story at the back of some library. I can just feel it.

The Wonderful World of Words

Sometimes, while browsing NationStates in the dark, wasted hours of my existence, I notice things which are really quite funny, cool, interesting, or just plain weird.

Today, let me comment on nation names.

I'm being needlessly fussy I know, but I like nation names to be simplish, memorable, and to have a nice sound to them. Sirocco, for instance, immediately took my fancy because as a word, it sounds and looks great! I don't like names with numbers and dashes (like Jeremy534 or -Yugoslavia- and that kind of thing) or Caps Lock (I admit I was mildly irritated by the fact that one of Lancre's old delegates was called DTAS LAND) or lack of capital letters where they should go. I was annoyed when my forum monicker was turned into 'sirocco' by Jolt.

Why do i get annoyed? I don't know, but I'm glad it doesn't upset me too much or I wouldn't be able to bear editing issues! I just like words to look nice and correct, and not be pointless, uninteresting or jarring to the mind. I remember noticing a nation called Jjuulliiaann once and I couldn't help but hiss between my teeth! Why the doubling of the letters? He could have had The Julianlands, or Julian City, or even Julianville. But instead he plumped for this horrendous monstrosity of a word, a word which should have no place within decent conversation! Early schooling in correcting my terrible handwriting has imprinted my brain with the desire to see words that look nice and I have decided to call it aesthetologophilia! Spread it around and get me a mention in the dictionary!

It's the same with regions too. There are several regions which are basically huge strings of zeroes or zeds. Why? What's the point? Yes, people will notice it immediately and perhaps even join, but when you get right down to it you're stuck with a region which has a really crap name. The main reason I called my region Lancre was because I liked the sound of the word, and not because I'm a fan of Terry Pratchett!

Trying to remember nation names I've seen and liked is tricky, but the nation of 'Woodburn' is very memorable for me... and I recently noticed a nation called 'Goam' and I liked that one too because it has a lovely chthonic, swampy ring to it. I'll never forget the classic nation 'Righteous Lefties' either!

So, in conclusion, am I a pedant? Yes, I think I am, I always have a horrible dark moment when I realise I've left a typo in an issue somewhere. Am I a raving pedant? Well... let's just say I always wear latex gloves before rummaging in the issue list...!

How Now Brown Cow

Lancre's busy reassembling itself, I am pleased to say. I've ended up being UN delegate somehow, but I'm sure that'll all change soon. We've dropped from 37 nations to 17 which is sad, because I was hoping we would break the forty-nation mark (we got as far up as a tantalising thirty-nine) but obviously such dreams will have to wait. We're going to lose a few nations, I'm sure of that, but we'd probably have lost them anyway. C'est la vie, obladi oblada, life goes on (bra!) and all that. It cannot be helped.

The tasklist is still huge. Should I prod it, it wobbles dangerously, threatening to block out the immediate universe and bringing pain and death to all it consumes. But, thankfully, it IS getting smaller and that's a great relief.

Bestiville decided to create a new nation called "Determined Cows", and begin afresh so we need not worry about any more griefing. It's a wrench, but hey, it's a cool name for a nation, and if we are going to be represented by cows, I say determined ones are the way to go. Lackadaisical cows have no motivation and are terrible conversationalists.

So, we raise our glasses and give a toast to a fresh start. Fitter, leaner, and, admittedly, a little pissed off, but glad everything is over. Ish.

Argh!

I recently decided to take a bit of a break from NationStates because of real life problems, because I was feeling stressed, and because it's summer and everyone loves summer.

As it would have it, I decided to check up on things only to find that Lancre had been griefed by some nutter who guessed the delegate's password, the tasklist was unspeakably big, I had oodles of unanswered telegrams, and, bloody hell, my region had been griefed!

And, whilst I'm in the midst of this nightmare, I just want to apologise to all of you eagerly awaiting new issues. I've just been far too busy, and these things will simply have to wait until I'm sane enough to not see flightless hippos tweeting around my head...

Power Struggles

I haven't been around much (i.e. at all) lately because the mouse broke and I was confronted with the horror of trying to shut down the computer without being able to point and click. This posed quite a puzzler for me, because I'm as much attuned to computers as Dennis Norden is to humour. Anyway. Power struggles.

Ah, the fight for delegacy. Such a bitter and malignant one it can be sometimes. Recently our delegate Bestiville got his nation hacked (why does everyone have such cecity when it comes to choosing difficult passwords? NO-ONE IS FOOLED BY PUTTING DOWN 'qwertyuiop' YOU SILLY BUGGERS!) and before the whole matter could be cleared up, his nation was resigned from the United Nations by the imposter. This meant that DTAS LAND who had the second-highest number of endorsements returned to the seat of power, and everyone rose up and cried "oh". Bestiville is now back and will presumably try to regain delegacy when he comes back from his holiday in Spain, but for now, another nation in Lancre called Fatheaded Edward has taken the prize through some subtle endorsement-swapping.

Will the people accept his rise to power? We'll find out soon, I'm sure...

In other news, it's my brother's birthday (yay), the last Doctor Who episode of the new series is playing (oh no! No more Eccleston until the Christmas special!), and the American Grand Prix qualifying begins today at 11:30pm (the horror!). In other words, this is going to be quite a packed day for me, so don't expect me to be around much!

Delays

I'm not going to be able to do much editing for a while because the tasklist backlog has become ridiculous over the last two days somehow. We're nearly 200 tasks out of whack so it's going to be a helluva clean-up operation, and I'm not going to be able to squeeze any editing in during that time. But never fear! You will get it soon. I promise. Kinda.

Issue Editin'

Issue Editin'

Yeah, it's another Flash animation on Artpad which I have dubbed (uncredited) Issue Editin'. This one is actually about an issue I really got once. Quite bewildering, I'm sure you'll agree, though there have been stranger ones.

I'll never quite forget the one about whether fish should be allowed to walk backwards. For some reason, if you DID allow them to walk backwards, the author dictated that every person in your nation called Norman should grow in height by two feet.

Bizarre.

Issue #180 Under Construction

Yes, that's right! I've finally got (almost) everything sorted, polished, put in a row, and given the appropriate label. The issue editing for this batch has BEGUN and I have already selected the first one to be done-over.

So, time for the usual non-hints about what you can expect from this issue:-

1. It covers a subject which is very relevant today. It had its first germination in the 1940s, was brought up again in the '80s, but really came to the fore from the late '90s and onwards.

2. The author is the only nation in his/her region.

3. There will either be three or four options. I haven't decided yet.

4. The author's region has connotations to Monty Python...

Happy guessing!

Lancre Cup XI

Yes! It's that time of month again! When the teams groan in despair and pretend to be dead when their coaches come rattling their doors! It's the eleventh Lancre Cup, and gee golly isn't it swell?

Some changes have come about this month: first of all the organiser of the Cup is now Dregruk, as Bestiville, the previous organiser, was on holiday. Secondly, there is now nearly forty(!) nations in Lancre, requiring a severe reshuffle in the number of matches per heat.

The silliness is still there of course! Our usual forums aren't working right now, and we've had to use the NationStates forums to post the match results, but that hasn't stopped anyone from making daft comments about their teams and such. Sirocco's own team, due to a bureaucratic mix-up at our Ministry of Sports, is now made up of ten six-year-old schoolgirls and a rocking horse with one leg missing.

Should be interesting: Lancre Cup Results

Modblogs

When I decided to start writing a blog, back in April, I was often quite stuck on what to write about (not now, it flows like milk from a bottle), and oft I did tell the other moderators about just how useful it is for making notes on things you've got to get done, a way of exploring ideas that are interesting, and other such things. I often come up with ideas, but forget about them soon afterwards. There's a few exceptions (it was my idea, for instance to have a 'most cultural nation' UN ranking. I also encouraged the introduction of the 'most rebellious youth' UN ranking, though it was not my idea. I believe it was suggested to me by a nation called Yeknomia. One I've been thinking of getting added is 'biggest mass transit system' or 'biggest public transport sector' or something similar. I'll have to think about it.), but usually nothing comes of them. So to have this great way of recording my thoughts is awesome, and, as you can see from my posting history, I've a lot of thoughts to record before they leave my poor NationStates-riddled brain.

So, anyway, two other mods liked the idea, and have started up their own blogs. Reploid Productions recently made one that you can read at The Ninja Mod's Lair, and one by Katganistan which she started quite a while back at Kat's Korner.

Enjoy!

Here Comes The Sun

If anyone's been wondering why I haven't been posting much this month it's because this summer has turned out to be a real scorcher. Hot weather makes me very drowsy. It gives me headaches and sometimes even makes me physically sick. I'm not sure why this is, but it can be embarrassing sometimes. Anyway, more than five minutes in the sun and I start wilting and slurring my words. As such, I've been far too lethargic to post anything here, or do much on NationStates recently. But never fear! There will be new issues very soon, I promise. I've already deleted most of the issues I know are unusable, so it's a matter of sifting through the 'maybes' (and there's a fair few!).

Updates will be coming soon.

Siroc & Newsted: As Seen On TV

Well, as seen on Artpad, anyway. I couldn't resist letting my imagination whirl a little longer on that thing, and have created a small story (it has a beginning, a middle, and half an ending which is good enough for me) which stars everyone's favourite bungling heads of state, the incorrigible King Siroc and President Newsted.

View it here: http://artpad.art.com/?ihmuuj19witg

I'll maybe make a sequel if popularity demands it!

Easter Eggs

I can remember when the idea of putting Easter Egg issues was introduced by Sal, and I was pretty amused by the idea. It was even funnier when people started getting them and started asking bewildered questions about levers causing the end of the world. But Sal's far too busy to make any new ones and I'm loathe to do any myself because I much prefer writing/editing 'serious' ones. If you could ever possibly call any of the issues serious.

But recently it occured to me that we have 179 issues in the game (178 if you don't count the anniversary issue Max Barry wrote since no one will ever get it again) and only 2 easter eggs (no, I'm not going to say how to get them!). So maybe it is time for at least one new issue of this nature. Who knows? I'd have to ask SalusaSecondus what he thinks and go on from there.

As an ardent Doctor Who fan (the new series is genuinely one of the best things that's been on television for a long time), my first thoughts was that it should involve Daleks attacking your nation! But it isn't really appropriate (or is it?) and the notoriety of the Terry Nation estate in regard to the Daleks' copyright is too scary for words!

When Flightless Hippos Attack!

Attack of the flightless hippos.

A tragic story filled, with horror... love... the rise and fall of empires... and lots of bloodthirsty flightless hippos!

Well, kinda. That's what I had in my mind anyway. The basic synopsis is that some flightless hippos attack a defenceless Siroccan village and through methods not disclosed then set fire to it. After eating the inhabitants. They're not cute and cuddly creatures y'know!

Of Cuckqueans And Search Engines

I got an e-mail today telling me that I'm responsible for almost all uses of the word 'cuckqueans' on the entire internet. This struck me as quite peculiar, but no, it is true.

Why is there no cash prize? I was gutted to find out.

Making Headways

The new issue batch is looking good. Plenty of crappy ones, as is to be expected, but there's a fair number of what I mentally call 'maybes' which look like they have potential. No gems which make me instantly want to start editing yet, but hey, time will tell.

Some issues were just bizarre. Like the one with the squirrels in straitjackets. I can still see their twitching little whiskers and their mad little eyes as they wander aimlessly around their padded cells... this is a mental picture I've drawn up of course. No actual illustrations were provided.

Anyway, there should be a spate of new issues on the way, so never fear! No news is good news unless it's because I'm dead. Which, even when I look at the pros, would be terrible. I'll have updates soon!

New Month, New Issues

The new batch of issues is here at last! It's much smaller than I expected, a paltry 400 issues over the last two months, but it's only to be expected I suppose. If you submitted an issue between June 2003 and the 18th of March 2005, it has either been deleted or put into the game.

Anyway, you can expect some new issues to be on the way soon. If you submitted any, good luck, and please continue to do so!