Strange Issues

I was wandering through the issue list just now when I happened across these bizarre submission. I get lots of weird issues and I don't usually share them on the blog because I do not want to encourage people to submit silly things. But I've decided that for once I'll allow you to dip your toe in my world. I don't really think any comments will do these justice. Read on.

Title: Is half-breathing an option?

Issue: A group of environmental activists has spoken out against exhaling, saying in sign language that it hurts the environment.

Validity: Not valid for nations where breathing is outlawed or impossible.

Option 1: Prominent environmental activist @ @RANDOMNAME@ @ believes that exhaling harms the environment, and he tells you using sign language, "You mean to tell me that people can just exhale whenever and wherever they feel like here in @ @NAME@ @!? That's ridiculous! Do you know how much C02 is released when all of @ @NAME@ @'s population breathes all day and night? That air belongs to mother nature, so let's let mother nature have it, not the remains of it. For the sake of our environment, please outlaw exhaling."
[effect] exhaling has been outlawed to save the environment

Option 2: @@RANDOMNAME@@, the owner of a large tobacco company, calls you on your phone, "Hey, what's all this about not being able to exhale? You know what would happen if we all stopped breathin'! And besides, think about @ @NAME@ @'s economy! It would dry up like water in a desert. Don't do this to me, err, well I mean don't do this to us! Why don't you do somethin' more worth your while? The industrial taxes seem a bit high lately, eh?"

Option 3: An anonymously sent letter was found in your mail today. It says this, "I like breathing! Both parts of it! But I also like the environment. The problem is not just the exhaling though. It's also the breathing in. I suggest that you make special publicly available rooms across @ @NAME@ @ that you can breath legally inside. The air inside will be turned into oxygen and carbon dioxide acording to how many plants and animals are in the country at the time, and then released back into the environment. That way, people can breath sometimes, and it won't hurt the environment. It might hurt the economy ever so slightly, but wouldn't you rather breathe and have trees?
[effect] you cannot breathe in public,there are specific rooms designated for that purpose

Title: Riot against the sun

Issue: A small group have made a riot against the existence of the sun, claiming that it does not or should not in fact exist.

Validity: Not Valid if you don't have a sun or if you don't have a moon.

1. "The sun should not exist! It causes sun burns and without it, there wouldn't be global warming! We would save the environment! We must fire Mars out of a cannon into the sun! We must destroy it!" Shouts Señor Robert Stupido to a large crowd of other rioters.

2. "What kind of ****ing idiocy is this? Without the sun a million plants wouldn't grow! Many species would be extinct if not for the sun! We should strap these idiots to a rocket and fire it at the sun!" Says Flarde Jorben, famous botanist.

3. "I have a genius idea! Instead of destroying the sun we could blow up the moon! Wouldn't that be fun?" Bobby Norem, video gamer.

Title: monsters

Issue: after problems with some sinking ships on your sailing sea with fish boats disapearing the goverment has takern it op to depate

Validity: no special condisions

option:we must do something! sais jefrry aderson the leader of fishing industries. my boats are disapiering outside the coast you must send the navy out to cach hwo ever does this and ecsecute them!

option:you are going to take my ships into the sea for caching wath! skreams admiral byarboton while stiering at you! thats just waste of reacources think
of the cost if we dont cach anything,or if the rumors that the shipreck serviver told os are true,and there is a sea monster out there he call it important i call it redicules

Title: [none]

Issue: Cows have begun parachuting into your country with large signs on their backs that read "Eat mor chikin". They continue coming in larger and larger numbers and seem to be overpopulating your country. The cow population is booming. You must do something quickly.

Validity: Not valid for nations with compulsory vegetarianism.

1. Jay Unospio, Animal Rights Activist, says:"I believe these cows should be allowed to roam free in our country, as they were here first. We should also listen to their holy message and eat more chiken."

2. Kill M. All, Government Member, says: "Kill them all. KILL THEM! I think we should immediatley kill off all these nuisancse cows. It would boost our meat economy as well as clear up our country."

3. Chuck VanSquiezum, Street Bum, says: "We should capture the cows and use their foot power to power our nations' homes. Hail the cow!"

Title: Should people kick others?

Issue: A group kicked individuals have been kicked around my kickers who play in soccer and other foot sports.

Validity: Not valid for nations with good economy.

"We should stop these fools!" yells angry protester bada-bing. "We should ban all sports immediatley!!!"

"Are you kidding? Sports are very important to the economy!" replies Joe Slate, a famous soccer player. "We should throw these guys out!"

"This gave me a idea." says four-star general Patton. "We could use a kicking army for later wars so why not, huh?"