Holidays, Holidays

Regular readers (I must trust in my heart that you exist) may be wondering where I've been these last few days. The answer is, of course, that I have been Christmas shopping. I am NOT going to be caught out this year! I've nearly got all the pressies I need, and I do pride myself on always getting the perfect present for the perfect occasion, and I shall share with you some of the do's and don'ts of Christmas gifts.

DO:

• Give gifts that you made yourself. A sure hit. Why not write your intended recipient a song? A poem? Something to show you truly care.
• Give them a really good book.
• Give them a really good film. Nothing deep and philosophical. Just something you can relax, watch and enjoy without having to think too hard. Like Jurassic Park. If you want to sympathise with the plight of modern scientific ethics then read the book. If you want to see dinosaurs eating people then Spielberg's your man.
• Give them chocolate oranges. 'Nuff said.
  
• Give her necklaces, bracelets, earrings, whatever. As long as it glitters, she'll love it.
• Give him plain black T-shirts. It's bliss to have a few of those in supply.
• Give the parents scarves. Parents LOVE scarves. I don't know why.
  
• Show that you truly care. Awwwwwww...

DON'T:

• Give them fruit of any kind. I know how it sounds, but believe me: the stomach will automatically rebel at the sight of those squashy satsumas and waxy Macintosh apples. With the prospect of chocolates, brussel sprouts, and all those other delights your taste for fruit will be incredibly diminished. It's just not worth the effort.
• Give them 'joke' presents.
• Give them scented candles, incense, or any other olfactory-orientated device. Why? Because EVERYONE DOES IT. By the end of June their house will smell like an exploded shampoo factory and they won't thank you for it.
  
• Give them what you gave them last year.
• Give them what you gave their friend last year.
• Give them what you got from their friend last year.
• Give them a pet without express permission.
• Introduce them to NationStates. They'll always connote Christmas with the first day they got sucked into NS addiction. They probably won't even send you a card next year.

So, yeah, there you go. I hope this proves useful to any of you who are stuck for ideas.

In NationStates-related news, I've started work on a new issue. Should be with you soon.