We Are The Champions!

In regional news, I WON THE LANCRE CUP! It's taken nine Cups, but I finally did it. I'm chuffed, I really am. Here's Bestiville's match review of this momentous occasion:

Fireworks dashed the night sky with streaks of colour, people threw toilet rolls and huge riots took place. A typical final in many respects.
The before mentioned riot took place immediately before the match, and included the Hippie Dude supporters (angry due to them not getting to the final), the Dregruk team (which still hadn’t been taken back to Dregruk) and a crazed BLF president doing more damage than all of the convicts put together. It was carefully broken up by the LCOT, carefully in the sense that they made sure that they didn’t kill any of the rioters.
Despite this riot, the game still went ahead. According to the acting BLF president ‘They are outside the stadium. We are inside. There is a good solid wall between us and the rioters’.

The teams soon came onto the pitch and sang their national anthems with absolute determination, despite the constant booing of the Bestiville supporters.
King Siroc said a small speech, without any mistakes or hestitations, despite the booing of the Bestiville supporters.
Emperor DTAS said a small speech and signalled to the LCOT, despite the booing of the Bestiville supporters.
All of the Bestiville supporters were chucked outside to join in the riots, despite their booing.

With the removal of the irritating Bestiville supporters, and to the sounds of rioting, the match kicked off.
There was more in the playing for than just the title of ‘Lancre Cup IX champions’. The title of top scoring team was also being contested, Sirocco and DTAS LAND being drawn on goals.

The first half was dull. The Sirocco players’ ‘Magic Boots’ didn’t seem to be working, as this midfield battle was never more than just a midfield battle. The players went off the pitch with tired faces and -in Sirocco’s case- hitting their boots to see why they weren’t working.

‘We don’t know what was wrong with our boots’ Redd Fantazmo, Sirrocan captain said at half-time, ‘They just weren’t working right’.
‘You shouldn’t need magic boots to win’ a DTAS player quickly chipped in, ‘No one else had magic boots. You should win with skill, not with magic’.

The second half had no goals until the very end. A player ran with the ball towards the opposition’s net, squealing madly and flailing at any player which came close to him, and blasted the ball into the goal. He then went mad and jumped into the stands.

‘What?’ the acting-President of the BLF asked the irritated people reading the match review, ‘You want to know who won?’
There was a general muttering of ‘Of course we want to know who won you tit’.

‘Really?’

‘Yes!!!’

‘Honestly?’

Someone now attacked him and grabbed the piece of paper out of his hands.

‘The winner’ the man said with dramatic tones, ‘Is… SIROCCO!!!!!!!!’

Sirocco won the match Sirocco 1 DTAS LAND 0


Final results table:

1st place, and hosts of Lancre Cup X- Sirocco

2nd place, and honorary Lancre Cup runners up- DTAS LAND

3rd place- Bongostan

4th place- Hippie Dudes

Top Scorer- Sirocco

The Bestiville award for crappiness- Joint- Yesnono, Rachels Insanity, The Hartlot of Babylon, Troon and Utter Complete Idiots


Final words

So… It looks like we’re going to Sirocco for the next Lancre Cup. Hopefully they’ll be as entertaining hosts as Sliponia were. I’m sure they will be.
Thank you for watching the Lancre Cup. I can only hope you enjoyed it. Please TG me with YOUR ideas for what to change in the next Lancre Cup e.g. ‘Smaller Commentaries’, ‘Less Dregruk’ and ‘Don’t organize it again’.
It hasn’t been too hard. In fact it’s been fun.
I’m sorry to people who won the Bestiville award for Crappiness, I can only commiserate you and wish you better luck next time.

Thank you,

Emperor Besty, Signing off